Sarah Mancini

Off to Ayr for a day with Sarah M.  We talked.  I think I didn't just need her to sort me out.  But, more importantly T and A enjoyed playing with C and A.  didn't want to leave.  I've been wanting to have that sort of thing happen for a long time.   I feel physically happier despite an hour and a half each way and through Glasgow.  Tom enjoyed himself, spoke to Sarah  and enjoyed someone's company and didn't want to leave. Shall I just repeat that again?

I need to really work out my own philosophy.  Then i can be stronger.  Tomorrow I will have to be very strong.  Mary is coming on very strongly about things I'm worried about and I am not countering or explaining well.  Being an open person is not always easy.  I need to get into my head that T is sociable and good company and if he is not that way with them he is not to be assumed to be at fault.

Conflict

I went with Caroline to Sarah's - Sarah Wilson's House, Sarah Mancini in residence.  Talked, sat in the dark kitchen, worried about the dogs, the number of pets she fails to look after.  Worried about where I'm going with life.  Worried about Tom - his note his contemplating suicide note.  Does he still feel that way?  Worried that I'm being lax leaving Annie to read 'when she is ready' Right brained 11 to 13, need more evidence I'm not being negligent.

What should I say to Sarah W about animals?
Cruise - what do the others think?

Private Blog

Is a private blog possible, like a private diary but without my hand hurting with too much writing.  I will try.  I will grieve for the loss of the pleasure of writing on smooth creamy paper. 
Do I want anyone else to read it?  Certainly not people I know - well not if I mention them.
When and how will I write it? Fancy phone linked to wi-fi, here.